loss.

Because time cannot erase years of memories and a God appointed encounter.
15 months have come and gone, and I still think of you.



"My Immortal"

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus]

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

[Chorus]

I'm a pescatarian, and public school lunch programs.

For the last 2 years I have thought about, and wanted to take this step. I didn't when I was pg with Scarlett (even though i desperately wanted too) because i seriously didn't have time to put in the research I needed to know WHAT to cook for my family in the event we did this.

Well this week it has happened, finally. We are still clearing out the freezer with the last bits of chicken and beef that I refuse to let go to waste, however I myself have been on a pesc. diet only for about 3 weeks now and I.LOVE.IT.

When i told the kids we would be switching, Dylan automatically asked "well what about big macs?" (LOL!!) I reminded him that whenever the sitch presented itself if he wanted to eat meat he could, otherwise here at home for the most part we would be eating veggies (which we already do a ton of) and fish/shell fish of course.

I know there will be the occasional summer grill out with hot dogs here at home, and thats fine, its more of a moderate overhaul versus an absolute with me. For me there won't be compromise with one exception...I don't think i could give up hot wings. I don't eat them but a few times a year, but seriously....there is no comparison veggie, fish or otherwise so for that I reserve the right to be a flexitarian for a day rofl!


Also, here is a great site I found while scouring for recipes....I COULD NOT agree more. I am so sick to death of the school lunch program. my kids pack about 80% of the time, but on te days they do not I worry about what the lunch is (weeks like the last few weeks they have bought more than they packed.) NACHOS are not real food Sedexho! (thats the name of the food company our school system uses) and neither are french toast sticks, seriously!!! Anyways, I've wanted to do this for years now, petition the school systems to make the lunch room healthy. I don't mind the occassioal pizza day, even once a week, but the majority of what they feed our children are junk foods, laden with sugar and artificial ingredients. No wonder children misbehave and are hyper, their brains are STARVING.

SIGN THIS PETITION!!!


This also applies of course to neighborhood/communities, friends and families. As much as my friends/family are tired of hearing me say it, I refuse to be quiet about it any longer. Your food can make or break you. Your food can KILL you if you are eating food that isn't truly food. They are CHEMICALS. As I have said before and will continue to say ;) a bag of organic apples costs $3.99 for 12 servings...that's the same price that a box of fruit snacks cost. (sometimes cheaper when apples are in season and on sale).

Ok, stepping off my soap box. I just emailed emealz and asked if they would include some pesc. recipes with their current veggie plan, i am hoping my interest will spark them to come up with one, I loooove my emealz! Such a life saver for this incredibly overly busy mama <3

.......

p.s. they just switched it for me, wow that was quick!! if anyone has any good fish recipes, please share :)

Spring is in the air, time to get busy!!

Busy doesn't even come close to describing life in our house for the last 2 weeks.

On top of getting this house ready for future renters, we have dealt with a house wide case of food poisoning to which even I myself got. While one might think this would come from eating something from say a fast food restaurant, etc, in this case it was simply a case of trying to get the best nutrition for myself and my kids that kind of back fired. Not going into details right now as I have to take cookies to my ink guy right now (he gives me gorgeous sexy ink...I bring cookies and cash, it's a bargain lol!!)

Anyways, the big news of the weekend is, while i am not posting a picture, nor giving details...I will simply say that we did put in an offer friday on another house. We will know something by tomorrow evening. I'm really excited about this house :)

This week's line up... #1 spring! I never realized how much I loved spring until last year wen I was pregnant and due any day with my sweet blessed baby girl. I have always been a fan of fall, but this put new meaning to spring for me and i find myself loving the cool wet mornings and the sunny warmer afternoons. I love Easter, and I'm really looking forward to celebrating Lettie's 1st birthday at the zoo in a few weeks! She is such a princess, all my girls have been but this one is so especially sweet and beautiful <3 I can't believe it has been a year since she was born.
2nd, we are visiting a local dairy farm for a field trip with my HS'ed one.
3rd...I have painting to get too, and border in the girls rooms (used to be boys room) that must come down. It's been a huge struggle to get it done because Lettie is always sleeping when I find the time lol, and second we have been sick non stop for weeks, first stomach flu, then colds, then food poisoning. I'm really looking forward to the warmer weather to kill off some of these germs, thats for sure. Also this constant run of sickness has seriously impacted my ability to hit the gym the way I need too so I'm a bit behind schedule (read I haven't lost more than another inch or so in the last month :/ ) so I'm getting antsy to get the ball rolling again.

Also I decided after much soul searching and schedule reviewing that doing the tri in May is not in the cards for me. I was trying to keep an open mind about it, but once the rounds of never ending sickness hit, I had to be realistic about having the time. I'd much rather workout for my weight loss goals, and to feel good about myself and get my me time in, versus that. Also what little free time I have right now i don't have the energy to do more in that regards, i'd much rather continue with my guitar lessons. I LOVE playing. it's very rewarding to me after all these years to return to the greatest gift (music) my life has ever been given. Once I get good enough I have songs to write, this has always been a dream of mine, to write and sing them and who knows what else ;)

Off to deliver cookies, i'll have more to share later.

Another one bites the dust.

I really hope I'm not wasting this title on this particular post right now lol.

Today we got word that the house we had attempted to get (it was a different one than the one I posted pictures of, similar , same neighborhood, etc) is a no go. As of right now it looks like we are still in the running for the SL house. I am not disappointed in the least, just anxious....really, really anxious to move and have some space. It's ok though, because we would have had dump at least 4-5K into that house to begin with, not to mention having to front more for the extra closing cost we were not anticipating, so while I'll miss that kitchen (TDF!! *sigh*) I also know God has his reasons and I'm ok with that.

On another note...I still can't decide if I want the boys in baseball this spring or not, I need to make a decision, but I'm leary of having the time to pull it all off with the move and swim lessons. I think we might skip it one year, and that could mean the difference between Nate getting into the higher leagues in another few years or not. Jon Paul obviously it isn't going to matter. I hate making decisions like this, I just know how limited my time is going to be moving, cleaning the new house, getting renters set up, etc.

Sometimes...........I wish I could clone myself.

You are what you eat...the truth about food.

This is the first of many times I will post about this subject here on my blog. Reason being, this knowledge has changed my life personally and that of my children, and because of that i am incredibly passionate about it.

About 3 years ago while pregnant with baby #7, I developed severe morning sickness. At the time I figured it was simply the fact that I was carrying the 3rd baby in just under 3 years that was making me so sick, while that may have been some of it, even more so it was my diet.

It wasn't until I decided to goo to a friends get together at her house to learn about this supplement stuff she used. I went with a few mommy friends as some time out that week, not realizing how much it would change my life.

What I learned that night was...my diet was so depleted of real food and full of processed *junk* that it was seriously affecting my health in major and subtle ways. After the 2.5 hours we spent there, eating the nutritious foods they had made, including the protein shakes (all fresh organic fruits and veggies mind you)...I went home at nearly midnight with more energy than I had recalled having in years! I stayed up 2 more hours cleaning my house, slept well and woke up feeling refreshed the next morning. Could it be that simple? Could it really be that the key to feeling good and longevity was really based on what we eat? I have come to find out since that yes, without a doubt, it is!!


Since that day, I've spent hours learning and being open to learning new and better ways to not only feed my body what it needs, but also that of my growing children. We started taking a daily whole food supplement called juice plus which is backed by research as giving bodies what they need daily to thrive. Whats in it? fruits and veggies and lots of them!!

So, lets back it up here,...a few facts that I have learned and want to pass on to basically put this whole post in a nutshell.

1. the FDA recommends that as adults we get at least (LEAST) 9 fruits and vegetable servings each day. That's a LOT if you ask me. For children the minimum is 6.

2. Processed food will kill you. A whole foods diet is the only way a body can function properly, avoid cancer, diabetes, heart disease and the like.

So, what IS a whole foods diet?
I'll tell you what it is, and what its not and why.

Whole foods are:
anything that comes directly from nature in it's natural form.

Wikipedia give the definition... "Whole foods are foods that are unprocessed and unrefined, or processed and refined as little as possible before being consumed. Whole foods typically do not contain added ingredients, such as sugar, salt, or fat.[1] Examples of whole foods include unpolished grains; fruits and vegetables; unprocessed meat, poultry, and fish; and non-homogenized milk."

Meat, fish, vegetables, whole grains, fruits, natural fats, spices...all good examples. One good way to get your share of them while grocery shopping is to shop the perimeter of the store, typically this is where you will find most of them. the center isles are where you will find refined sugars, processed items and worse so only buy those in limited (or not at all) quantities.

What is not a whole food?
Anything that has ingredients that you 1. cannot pronounce or #2 don't know exactly what it is. Kids snacks are the worst for this sort of thing. They promise you vitamins and minerals that keep your kids healthy, yet are full of artificial flavorings, coloring and sugars and no real *food*. They taste good to your kids because the big food companies spend a lot of time and money adding ingredients into said snacks which entice the palate and make the brain *think* it tastes good. That's why you meet people who hate the taste of water (wha?! Water has a taste?? really?!) because they are so used to consuming liquids that have added artificial flavorings and sugars that their taste buds don't know how delicious water truly is.

Also anything labeled *diet* is not good for you either. These are loaded with something called neuro-toxins which literally destroy brain cells and your nervous system. Anyone that has ever had an addiction to diet drinks will find that once you get them out, your memory improves as does mental focus. That's because the saccharin or artificial sweeteners effects your nervous system and will destroy it little by little over time. NOT good!!

My kids when we first started down this road were not thrilled trust me. I'm not going to sit here and tell you their conversion was easy, or that we are perfect when it comes to their diets. My kids still get treats once or twice a week, and will on occasion get the coveted Mickie D's run, but it is on an incredibly limited basis. And by limited I mean 1 time a month, maybe 2 times if we are super busy and it can't be helped but if we have the choice we try and do subway (great fast-food alternative!) or I try really hard to keep quick easy fix meals here at the house, not only is it cheaper for a family this size (a fast-food run is now costing us roughly $40+ these days and I only have 3 that eat bigger kids or adult size meals...scary isn't it? lol), but in the long run I know I have not loaded their bodies with trans fat, sodium and junk calories.

One thing to watch for when shopping...anything that has the word *hydrogenated* in the ingredients, even though it says no trans fat, it really actually does. The FDA only requires food makers to record trans fat if its in a quantity greater than 1gram per serving. A lot of food manufactuer's have found a way around this in their products,...they still contain trans fat (a minimal amount by never the less they still have it) but according to the *food rules* they can claim its trans fat *free*. I'm not sure how they do it other than maybe they have added other chemicals/ingredients in to make up for the bulk of the trans fat?? Not sure, but what I do know is that it is also recommended that no one consumes more than 2grams of trans fat per day. I can tell you right now, there isn't a single burger or chocolate item on the Mickie D's menu that doesn't contain that much TF or more. You can find this information on their website, look it up.

Sugar is my next victim, and then I will close for the day. Did you know that every time you consume sugar (regardless of the form, organic, processed...which is worse but still, honey you name it) it automatically lowers your immune system for a minimum of 4 hours after consuming that sugar. Lowered immune system means look out infection, here I come! If you deal with infection of any kind, reoccurring colds, you name it, look to your diet, are you consuming sugar? especially refined sugars? (white table sugar, processed sweetened foods, even breakfast cereals and granola bars are chalk full of it!). Over time this kind of consumption puts you at a higher risk for cancer, diabetes, etc.

So in essence what I am saying is this....people ask me all the time why I look so young and how I have so much energy. The truth is, I am what I eat. Trust me I am sooo not perfect all the time. I have times where I crave cake (my fav cheat food! LOL) and i eat it...but I eat it knowing full well whats in it and that I might feel awful for a little while after consuming it. It's an educated *choice* versus a staple in my diet.

A typical diet for me for one day would be this...
protein shake in the am with coffee (with low fat organic creamer & stevia...a plant based sweetener with fiber), sometimes a banana or a small bowl of kashi type cereal if i'm really hungry post workout.

snack mid morning is usually an apple...
lunch 4-6 ounces of tuna with low fat mayo or none, 1 slice of whole grain bread and some kind of veggie (sometimes fresh, sometimes leftover) and my 4 JP capsules.

afternoon snack...protein shake w/fruit and maybe some celery or sliced bell pepper

dinner...depends but a typical one here is some kind of fish (salmon, tilapia, etc.) a veggie and usually rice or a potato. (I eat limited carbs, but I do still eat them...)


if I'm really hungry at night, I choose cottage cheese and fruit, fresh veggies, a bowl of good cereal , oatmeal (whole oats only) and on occasion if hubby and I are watching a movie, i LOVE salsa!! I will eat it with chips...but I only buy the non flavored tortilla chips that have corn and oil and salt.
A huge tip....the smaller the ingredients list on a food item, the better!! ;)

So that's it for now. I could go on and on, but I've got a toddler that needs to have a few books read to him and a diaper change, oh and its almost snack time! :) Today's snack is red bell peppers and cheese chunks (mont. jack cheese, yum, they love this combo!). Have a great day, and remember ...eat food that will help you thrive and feel ready to live the best possible life you can!!