Joy Williams - I'm In Love With You

The Civil Wars "Forget me not"

I love Joy Williams and ive recently fallen in love with TCW's...one of my favorite songs by them...

summertime update.

Summer is insane! I dont think I could fit anymore into my schedule as I find myself simply wanting to relax and enjoy my kids being home. That said...I will not miss the mess they leave come fall.

School is going well, finding time to study has its challenges however with the kids being home but thankfully i squeeze in a little here and there.

I leave for TX in August for sucess school for Advocare, i'm really excited as the last SS was full of info and I recall how fired up i was on the business end once I returned. I have an Advocare events im attending tonight, and I'm doing a health fair in early August through my local gym, looking forward to sharing the op with others and helping people attain their health/fitness goals.

In other news i have approximately 24 days left to train for the warrior dash...for those of you that aren't aware of what that is its a 5K run with obstacle courses thrown in. I signed up about a month ago and not thinking clearly choose a 4pm time slot, soooo needless to say I've started running the dead heat of the afternoon to get my body accustomed to heat/humidity of July. So far so good. I'm still weight training 2 days a week as well and i'm so thankful for the Advocare products I take as they seriously up my game. My goal is to not only finish but not finish LAST lol. I'd like a personal time best, however its going to be hard to gauge because of the obstacle courses. O well. I'm esssited ;)

The kids and I have only been to the beach twice this year, this is not ok with me lol, hoping to get there a few more times the next few weeks. The good thing is they swim/play I study. I'm really anxious to get this schooling done as I miss reading Poe and I've yet to read the newest (or even purchase!) Charlaine Harris Sookie Stackhouse novel. I've promised myself I will not buy it until I'm done. (discipline lol)

I wont be updating much here training wise, if you want too read up on that go here:

http://bodyspace.bodybuilding.com/babymama7/



and with that said I'll leave w a quote I fell in love with this morning...

"We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves."
~Lynn Hall

How to cut thru steel.

Journey to a thousand ends
a vision made so clear
what once I knew now how it ends
now sure of where I walk

the hallowness inside the shell
these walls were made of steel
somehow a torch has taken too
the breaking of the seal

this flame that burns it came to me
an unexpected gift
my heart not sure of it at first
but now I see the warmth

my mind it beckons me to wake
it cautions me in thought
to open that which never has
and give what time has lost

i've longed for this a thousand years
if years were kept in beats
to speak that which my heart sings now
is more than words can bring

i can't go back, not turn away
from that which i've been called
this torch it burns and lights a way
and cracks the steel for love


~CAS

Learning to learn again.

Wow, my brain hurts lol

I've finished nearly 2 units thus far, the first was PAINFUL to put it mildly. Part of it was the way they suggested learning the material does not work for me, so between that and a bunch of terms i am completely unfamiliar with, it took me a whole lot longer than I had anticipated.

Nevertheless, I now feel i understand my way of doing it and the second unit has been much quicker (plus im more familiar with a lot of the terms, mainly stuff i learned in biology/anatomy in HS).

Im hoping to be done before Success school in mid August.

Hippocrates somewhere around 400 B.C....

"Eating alone will not keep a man well: he must also take exercise. For food and exercise, while possesing opposite qualities, yet work together to produce health....and it is necessary, as it appears , to discern the power of various exercises, both natural exercises and artificial, to know which of them tends to increase flesh and which to lessen it; and not only this, but also to proportion exercise to bulk of food, to the consitution of the patient, to the age of the individual..."

ISSA certified bound!

Ordered my certificate training course today, I am STOKED!!!!

Once this is complete I plan to complete the separate course on nutrition, because lets face it...great healthy bodies are made in the kitchen ;)

I'm so super essssited LOL....this is the start of something really great for me <3

And FTR close friends will still get free advice...others, beware its gonna cost ya LOL,...hope you like your bootcamp extra saucy and with results ;)

restless heart ~ by Chris Stevens

Oh restless heart
speak to me
of lessons learned
and those to come

fall far from me
the pain that seeks
to smoother what
lies beneath

the truth beckons fates
of which this path leads
i follow
heart longing

The dream in my heart
never to cease
ill never give up
that which it longs for

hold me now
tear down that wall
an interfacing
of death and life

be still my sacred
you need not jump
fools call
you will not answer

remain pure metal
keep the path
it leads to peace
a tranquil full heart

There must be more
than my eyes behold
to gain truth
you must give it


May 11, 2011

Red - Feed the machine lyrics

Turn around, they might be watching
And you'll never disappoint them
Hide your innocence before they see right through
... you mustn't disappoint them

You need the danger just to feel your heart beat
You need to die just to find your identity
You need the knife just to know that you can bleed
You need the pain now just to feel anything

We fall in line, we live the lie
Give up, give up and feed the machine
It grows inside, nowhere to hide
Give up, give up and feed the machine
... Give up, give up and feed the machine

They pull you faster, the cadence calling
And you never fall behind
So choose a face, you're only crawling now
You mustn't fall behind

You need another death just to have a life to save
You need a master just so you can beg
You need a light just because you're so afraid

Sleep, shhh, go back to sleep
Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up


Wake up, wake up and kill the machine
Wake up, wake up and kill the machine
Wake up, wake up and kill the machine

Written 4-24-11 Hudson, MI

Do we really control anything?
Where does choice begin?
In youth we are what they make us...some find this awakening early, some very late.
I dont want regrets.
The choices ahead are like stones crushing a thin glass soul.
So much has played a part in where I now stand. Does one grip the doubt? strangle the wahat ifs? or embrace them like beacons of truth?
So much can be said for life and death. A curse or a blessing I know not which. I want to feel every moment...the cold winter wind on my skin, the burn of fire on my fingertips, the damp of a rain puddle on my toes, the heartbeat of s child, the smile of a person wise with years.
I look back and forth unable to tell where I came from the incapable of knowing where to head.
Feeling blessed.
Life is a blessing!
If nothing else comes my way I stand thankful for breath & spirit.
I will find my courage, and I know that someday that which my heart longs for will be fullfilled.

my love story.

There is something deep inside me
Something that would love to believe that which i see
But I am cautious...I will never trust so easily again.
This is why my heart is steel.
it once was a clear shiny bubble ,
completely fragile and see through.
Now it is strong, true but unyeilding,
Only a true flame can soften and melt it.
I know this is possible, thre is one such person out there who has this ability. I know when the time is right I will find them and we will be whole together, this is my love story.

4-24-11 Hudson , MI

This or That

This or That april 24, 2011 ~ Hudson, MI


say this
say that
nowhere between
in the middle
made to fall
built to fly
sayit, whisper
shut your mouth
die to self
choose the free
go the distance
heat the doubt
ni direction
on a path
make a way
give them way
all for nothing
stand for something
cheating death
live by choice
freedom lives
as freedom dies
no regrets
all in vain
here I stand
make a choice pivot time
my heart erase


by Christine R. Stevens

Guitar is love.

Here he is, my new man....bought him yesterday, wanted to buy him the day before but the local shop was closed. Saw him last week and instanly fell in love...you can't tell from the pic but he is a beautiful wood grain red color, my fav color of course. I went into that shop last week to get Nate some drums sticks, saw it and saw the price and just couldn't justify it, but after thinking about it this week, and realizing the one i've been playing on isn't ever going to sound right since my kids damaged the neck, I needed a new one. I bought a case to put him in,...he has no name as of yet, maybe soon when I am inspired. I start lessons next week <3

untitled (atm)

the void that once was is no longer
its passed me by, it once consumed me
eager for every step I took
for so long, ive waited
not really knowing it was
lost, wandering
I still travel the road
but things are different
for once , ive got the compass
it is gold, shiny, powerful
treasure in my hand
hope in my heart of someday finding
that which my heart has longed so desperately for
i know it is somewhere
this steel cannot keep me from it
as cold as it has become
ill never stop believing
wanting
wishing
hoping
and seeking it.
i feel new, and im almost ready

I see the light ~Lyrics

All those days watching from the windows
All those years outside looking in
All that time never even knowing
Just how blind I've been
Now I'm here, blinking in the starlight
Now I'm here, suddenly I see
Standing here, it's all so clear
I'm where I'm meant to be

And at last I see the light
And it's like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light
And it's like the sky is new
And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once everything looks different
Now that I see you

All those days chasing down a daydream
All those years living in a blur
All that time never truly seeing
Things, the way they were
Now she's here shining in the starlight
Now she's here, suddenly I know
If she's here it's crystal clear
I'm where I'm meant to go

And at last I see the light

And it's like the fog is lifted
And at last I see the light

And it's like the sky is new

And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once, everything is different
Now that I see you, now that I see you

i heart this.

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heart beat, or will stay awake to watch you sleep, wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you're just in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends. Who thinks that you're just as pretty without make-up on, one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you...The one who turns to his friends with a smile and says, "She's the one!"
(~unknown)

yep, i ate it.

I just ate a huge cheeseburger and fries...and i dont feel one bit sorry or guilty about it ;)

Moonlight Sonata - Beethoven

I love this song.

what lies ahead ~ By Christine R. Stevens

life does not stop for this
the trail does not wane
the water does not calm for it
the mind does not cease
a heart does not bend to it
the soul it is unwaivered
through thick and thorn it passes
the ground does not give way
the wind it sees the heart of it
it carries it away
its journey is not known by them
a life thats swept away

sometimes its about me.

Things I am working towards atm:

1. getting my personal training cert.
2. reading more and being online less
3. keeping up and perfecting my fitness routine even more so
4. learning my guitar, although atm it is out of commision my children busted it, here is hoping I can get it fixed.


things that are upcoming for me:
leg surgery this week
new ink in the future after said leg heals (2-3 weeks)
leg surgery on other leg
a hiking trip by myself in early June I think

Spring or something like it

I am so ready for nice weather. This has by far been the longest winter of my life. it didn't help that we literally had 2 solid months of non stop snow. Dont get me wrong, Im not a complainer by nature, and I love the seasons a lot, but being cooped up inside with nothing to do with the kids has been maddening at best.

The weather is slowly getting warmer, but not to my liking. I want 50 degrees and better now please! While I can be patient about many things, this is one of those things thats difficult to be patient about. Im ready to get out and run! I managed to squeeze in a trail run last week and it was pretty muddy but being it was high 40's it wasn't too disagreable.

There is a huge to do list on my plate right now as well, first and for most finish the kitchen redo. We have counter tops left to put in, knobs to put on, painting to finish on my cabinets, and the back splash to figure something out on. I've also got 2 kids rooms upstairs that need the paint finished from LAST year. Needless to say things feel a bit undone over here. After that the big tree out back has now seen its day, or at least Im hoping I have enough $ to help it go that direction haha. It has gotten so enormous that it covers over 3/4 of my big yard and I can't have my garden, which is not ok. I am not huge into my garden but i like fresh veggies in the summer. It helps keep our grocery bill down and there is nothing like my fresh homemade salsa. I didn't even make it last year because the only tomatoes I attempted to grow were in the upside planters and those things are not Chris friendly! I have 2 garden boxes in the back of the yard, i want to use them...tree has got to go.

Also after many years of not having, and wanting but not getting due to possibly selling and moving we are finally getting a swing set. My kids are thrilled...all 8 of them lol. The plan is a wooden one as the metal ones do not last, but we shall see, the wood ones are pricey. Hoping I can find a sale somewhere.

Im excited for the nice weather so I can take my kids walking around the lagoon, go on nature hikes at Sterling, and the Metro parks, and of course the beach. Oh the blessed beach, it is calling my name but it feels so far off right now. Today is is chilly and cold outside. Its early spring i realize but winter is fighting to stick around and quite honestly Im ready to see it leave 3 weeks ago like the silly ground hog said it would.

Clear begginings.

beautiful to the eye
caught up in it
a shadow of truth yet drawn
I covet what is before me


we cant escape that which is deep
an invitation to be
in the dance
we long for

this place wreaks of familiarity
signs in stone
written as warning
across an open heart

the longing takes murk and gives clarity
is it truly what it seems?
or am I seeing that
which i hope is true

long years of ache brought me here
path of thorns fought well
a curse perhaps
upon the vessel

steps are easy upon shiny clean glass
it matters not when there is so much to fill
i wish it were not so
but cannot escape my hearts emptiness

give in to it
a reservation of being shattered
yet to risk is minute by minute
for one last promise, true love

but a fool i am for it
a heart that knowingly seeks
give a last breath
walk, follow fates beckoning

Make over time, inside and out.

Its been awhile since I posted anything of real substance on here and a lot has changed since then. Funny how the older you get you grow under this assumption that you can't possibly learn or change more than you already have. I don't think I will ever believe that about myself ever again for the rest of my life.

Anyway the point being that its time to make over this blog, and while this coming week I've decided to stay off my normal online venues, I've also chosen to dedicate a little bit of my time here each day saying exactly what I think and sharing exactly where I am at right now. There might even be pictures...as bad as I've been in the past at doing them I now have this handy little tool called a Droid that uploads better pics than my regular digi camera, no joke (and its easy, which is a huge plus).

I can't wait to share some of the things I am learning about myself, who I am and who I believe I've been all along only have hidden in order to please everyone but myself.



"Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else."
~ Judy Garland

its is mine to give...like my heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8oAkS8Dcl54

my absolute fav song.

never be afraid or fear the future, great things are yet to come.

So I thought. March 1, 2011

A contest? yes please, yes please...yes please?!

So...I entered the bodybuidling.com body transformation contest several weeks ago, and so far so good...with the exception of the training I'm getting, but I'll get to that.

Today I got word of this competition here:

(anyone can enter!!! GO DO IT!!!!!)



http://blog.buffmother.com/contest/superstar-success-sss/


buffmother.com is run by Michelle Berger who wrote the book hormonal timing. This book is ingenius when it comes to female cycles and how to lose weight quickly. I LOVE her book, and her ab book as well. Never heard of it? get it! Its eye opening the information she gives about how to work with our bodies not against. most gym *routines* are designed for men that dont cycle...Michelle shows you how to get past that and get the results you want.
She also has a great private website where any woman can join and get commradery and accountability. I love it! I've been a part of it for almost 2 months now and I've learned a lot and been encouraged even more. Anyway she is now holding a competition for a 10 week transformation...so yeah I'm in! lol I'd love to win and get a chance to meet her, ...she is a mama of 4 her last set being twins, she is a blessing and a huge encouragement to me as a mom of many who wants to stay fit, look and feel good.

So back to training...I've been having problems with the trainer i'm working with. he's a great guy, I have no problems with him, he is just not understanding my goals in terms of body transform. He is under the impression that if I lift heavy all the time I'll bulk up....well the truth is your muscles swell for yes a couple of days but when you cut the fat on top of them you get a lean fit look. I can't lift enough to make myself look like the incredible hulk, or arnolds twin brother....and I won't turn into a DUDE lol! I'm trying to help him understand but he still thinks I need to lift less weight more reps. I will say that tonight he hit me hard on upper body, which I loved...I know I'll be sore the nbext 2 days and thats exactly what I should be. I have no fears because I have 2 amazing products at my finger tips...Advocare post recovery shakes and nighttime recovery tablets. My 2 little saving workout graces.

I'm excited...my core is getting really tight, and my legs are shrinking again, ah the loooooove! <3 :)

And the third thing I'm doing right now is the 24 day challenge...the funny thing is my trainer will probably grade me on weight (which is hilarious because I started this bootcamp with him 4 lbs HEAVIER than I ended the last camp but I'm over 2 sizes smaller haha!! ) and then inches...but the 24 DC goes more on inches. I don't have much more to lose in certain areas, but def have some to lose in others so I'm anxious to see.

3 contests...what a way to start off the new year?! And the beautiful thing is Advocare is making it all possible...I would never have the energy to do all this if it weren't for Advocare products, they have and are still changing my life each and every day.
Thats all for now Gotta go get my post workout shake in ;)