The kids are all happily playing with various items with electrical components, so I have a quick second ;)
As much as I have dreaded aging in the past, i find myself thankful today for many things, including the promise of this new year. As a kid i always hated having my birthday in January,...let's face it, having a birthday just 6 weeks shy of Christmas leaves a very long years with nothing in between. As an adult though, it's kind of become a beacon for me to gauge my year to come. Last year my birthday (to put it as nicely as I can) SUUUUUCKED. if I recall correctly Dean worked, and it was just *another day* as if felt, kids were cooped up, tired, cranky...I was pg, you get the picture.
This year, so much is different. It's like my life took a 180, got on a plane, flew to another country and got a full body makeover lol. Seriously I'm not exaggerating, or at least i don't think I am.
Anyway, things are heading in a direction that is not a norm for me, or us I should say because lets not forget that while I travel this life through my eyes, I have that better half O.K.A. Dino ;) (*sigh* he still makes me swoon....I can't help it lol!!).
So, with that said, here are my reasons for my feeling incredibly fulfilled...
God has so blessed me it is beyond me to even fathom why or how he does it, all I know is, while i am still struggling with direction I know that I have finally come to a place in my walk in this past year where I fully trust in HIM. Not myself, mt my husband.,...not the economy, just Him and his almighty ways. The only disheartening part is that it took me this long to get to this point. For that I'll forever be eternally apologetic.
We are moving along financially in ways that I never dreamed possible.
We are all healthy, thank you Lord.
Our parents are still alive and doing well lately which is good :)
I'm getting my new tatt done here in a few weeks, i can't wait!
I got my taxes done, i <3 tax time lol. AND....we got back nearly 2K more than we expected so that's good because it will be more security for renting out current said house.
I have finally FINALLY taken the steps to set up savings accounts for all my kids. They had a really fun learning time yesterday while doing this because it gave them a chance to be a part of it and put some of their hard earned $ into the bank.
I am going for my first triathlon in May!!! I cannot TELL YOU how excited I am to do this. I spent this weekend relaxing and enjoying my diet, even went out last night and spent time with friends who threw a party for me for my birthday so I got my last few drinks in between now and summer once the Tri is over because I won't be able to partake in such things until then. I can't wait! I have to find a place to brush up on my swimming, it has been a few years since I swam, but I'm sure it will return quickly once I get into the pool. I was on swim team from about age 7 until I was...a sophomore in HS? yeah. Love the pool. I also can't wait to get my bike back out, the lagoons are calling my name ;)
And, of course....this is the first year in like what feels like forever that I will not BE pregnant , nor will I GET pregnant LOL. Yesssssssssssssssssssss.
LOL! (I would go on and on about this, but if your a faithful reader, you already know how I've dished on this one before so I won't go there).
All in all, turning 35 isn't anything I'm hating, or afraid of. I'm looking forward to tis year of 2010 and thankful to be where I am in life. Peaceful.... peace in knowing that I am where I am supposed to be, even if I don't always understand how I got here.
And the last thing is I am incredibly excited to once again have the privilege of watching 8 beautiful kids grow and mature this year. I love every stage of their growth, even the ones that drive me nuts as I am slowly learning. I'm really trying hard to resolve to love every bit of the mistakes they make because I can now see it shapes them and makes them who they are and who they will eventually become. I love watcing Lettie crawl on her chubby/stubby little legs like a wind up baby. I love how Nate seriously cannot help his hyperness LOL, and he does THE BEST impersonations of people. I love how Dylan thinks almost identical to how I think, and when I look at him I see my cousin Beth (seriously he got the Mac genes without a doubt). I love how Peanut still desperately needs her mama every day, even though she is almost 6 and goes to Kgarten , which she says is the most fun ever. I love how JP can kick everyone's butt at super mario bros on the Wii, to where NO one wants to play with him (seriously no lie) and he is only 4. I love how Cessalie is learning that what you are on the inside is just as important (if not more so) than whats on the outside, and she seriously idolizes Pink. I love how Susie will gladly blow off anything in life (outside of food and sleep and TV lol) , but when it comes to the plight and life of the wolf, she knows every single fact there is, AND she is now dreaming of her first Ididerod. And while he is a TOTAL tornado, and his little brain doesn't stop from 7am until 8pm when I carry him to bed, I love Cohen's inquisitiveness. Mama's of toddlers....embrace that spunk, it's something to be cherished and loved. Mess making is learning, and while it stinks you have to clean it up (10 times a day, trust me I know!) it's that little mind working thing in their world out. Kiss them extra when they mess make, and then make them help you clean it up!! ;)
That reminds me...I'm running out of time so this will have to be quick. That cute little toddler of mine who is learning about the potty much to my satisfaction right now, decided to flush....something down the toilet 2 days ago. I had to REALLY REMIND MYSELF how cute he was when the plumber pulled the toilet and proceeded to tell me that this problem would not be solved with a toilet snake....OH No!! Whatever it was , was logged inside the toilet itself and the only remedy was replace the toilet. Well normally I would have paid him the basic service call and sent im on his way, relied on the other toilet in the house and made due until Dean was off work and we could install a new one, problem was Dean was working midnights and we don't HAVE another toilet. So Cohen is now worth another $275.15 as of this week :D (i'm smiling....he's cute, he's still cute...right? lol). It was totally my fault too, I turned my back for all of 5 nano -seconds and the stealth bomber (as my FIL calls him) proceeded to wreak his havoc. *sigh*
With that said, he is running around now because his electronic entertainment has now expired so I guess that's my cue to wrap it up. I have 8 kids to get ready for the outting to Toledo anyway, so I guess it's perfect timing.
Happy birthday to me!!!! January 31st was/still is a great day to be born :)
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
We put in an offer today!!! *squeeeeee!!!*
I'm really excited, but trying not to get overly excited just yet (of course).
We put in an offer today on a house we found that fits PERFECT!! It's a 5BR, 3BA colonial, 3 car garage that actually fits my van (which is crazy because I have to have an 8 ft clearance), huge HUGE basement thats perfectly unfinished (like a blank canvas ;) )....so now it's a waiting game. It could be end of March before we know anything, but at least its out there and I can start focusing on packing (more lol).
Here is a teaser pic...
We put in an offer today on a house we found that fits PERFECT!! It's a 5BR, 3BA colonial, 3 car garage that actually fits my van (which is crazy because I have to have an 8 ft clearance), huge HUGE basement thats perfectly unfinished (like a blank canvas ;) )....so now it's a waiting game. It could be end of March before we know anything, but at least its out there and I can start focusing on packing (more lol).
Here is a teaser pic...
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
When in doubt...pray.
I always live my life by one rule of thumb, when in doubt, even a shred of doubt, pray that God make himself known. Sometimes He speaks in big major ways, sometimes in subtle ways, and sometimes I believe that God truly doesn't have an opinion and allows us to choose which path we will take. Today was one example of God speaking softly to my heart in small ways, yet I also think he gave us some big signs as to which way we should now head.
I was renewed this week in the house hunt in spirit and vigor as i got over last weeks *i visited a builder* shenanigan. I knew heading into that sitch not to get overly excited, the truth is, builders are pricey not only in a regular economy but in this one as well. The only difference is now more than ever it matters because the market is upside down equity wise. Everyone is feeling the pinch, and I see now that builders have been hit even more so because their prices truely reflect it. What upset me though wasn't so much the fact that they actually build houses for gobs of $ that do NOT include things like, window sills for example (this is no lie), it was the false (and I do say its false) advertisement they put on their website claiming they will lease your house for a period of 6 years. First of all that is subject to 1 thing...how much you spend on the house you buy from them. Ahh ha. I knew there had to be a catch, I knew it and went down that path anyway, my own stupid.
So, in retrospect I can't say that I am mad at them, just myself. The truth is, I'm desperate. Thats not a word I think I've used a lot in my lifetime to describe myself because I tend to 1. look at the bright side 2. find the good in everything 3. try and make do and all that other good stuff.
This situation though, while its not do or die, it is maddening to say the least living in a house this tiny with this many kids. It really wasn't until I got into some of these bigger homes that I realized just how tiny this one is for our size family. My house doesn't feel small until all the kids are home all day and we are all in this one room with no where else to go.
So, this past week I revisited one house in particular that has been on my mind for weeks now. I actually had a dream about it if you can believe that! So as not to confuse anyone about my dreaming/prophetic abilities...my dreams are usually about total chaos and random happenings, not anything concrete so I was a little skeptical that I should rely on that factor for anything other than coincidence.
I'm glad that is what I did too, not only did I do that, but I had several friends look at the layout of this house, asked others how big their houses were and how many kids they had and one thing I found was, this house I was considering was definitely on the small side for our size family. 6 kids...might have worked, maybe, the problem was it was only a 4BR and one of the living spaces downstairs was going to have to be made a BR, which...ok that's fine if there are living spaces to spare, and in this house it was only 1 of 2. Granted there was a basement that had a living area down there too, but it wasn't huge by any means. It just felt too small. I asked my SIL if she would come with me and check it out and thankfully she was able too. The verdict from her was the same...the kitchen was UGH TDF! But the rest felt like a tight fit. She should know, she has 7 kids so I trusted that she would shoot me straight.
The Irony here, or the eye opener here is that just before this while we were in another house...I was told that there was an offer on this one. This in my eyes sealed the deal for not even going for it. I'm sad, but excited too because while I loved that house for many reasons, I also know that its not God's best for us so bye bye nice house, love ya but see ya! LOL and that's that. God spoke, Chris heard/obeyed.
The other 3 houses we looked at...the first was a J.O.K.E. It said 2400 sq ft, I think they were counting the yard, seriously. OUT.
The 2nd was really tastefully decorated and it would have worked, it was in a nice sub with trees out the backdoor, but it was priced high,...the basement was finished and was very choppy IMHO, I wasn't impressed..not OUT but not high on the list right now unless they want to drop the price $20K.
The third though...now we might have something. It is a true 5BR, which has been my biggest complaint in this whole ordeal, true 5BR's are super hard to come by. This one had that, and a ton of space to spare, but not over the top. The basement is unfinished, (cool) and HUGE, its fenced, it has a 3 car garage that's big enough to fit my van in (which is seriously weird because you never see garage doors that tall, I have to have a 7 foot clearance, these are 8ft.) So...we shall see :) It's a really nice house...Brian is looking up the comparables on the neighborhood for us to see how the price compares. It doesn't have the grand kitchen that the last one did, but what is there is slightly upgraded and good sized. HUGE eat in kitchen (which I love because formal DR's to me are a total waste)...it will need some paint, and def new carpet, but I don't think VA will have any issues with it since its only 7 yrs old.
Schools are the same schools my SIL has her kids in,and its only 1 mile from an awesome metro park (running/hiking/biking/swimming HEAVEN!!!).
So, that's all I know for now :)
All in all, not how I anticipated the day going, but I guess thats how faith works. I knew that God would speak today and He did loud and clear to me. I can't say for sure this new one is THE one, but maybe if nothing else its for him to show us that what we need IS out there we only need be patient?? possibly, we shall see.
I'll update later when we know if we are going to really consider this one and go through with an offer or not ;) thanks for the prayers friends, it means so much to know those who love us and care for us are pinging the throne of God on our behalf. May God bless each of you extra this week in your walks with Him.
I was renewed this week in the house hunt in spirit and vigor as i got over last weeks *i visited a builder* shenanigan. I knew heading into that sitch not to get overly excited, the truth is, builders are pricey not only in a regular economy but in this one as well. The only difference is now more than ever it matters because the market is upside down equity wise. Everyone is feeling the pinch, and I see now that builders have been hit even more so because their prices truely reflect it. What upset me though wasn't so much the fact that they actually build houses for gobs of $ that do NOT include things like, window sills for example (this is no lie), it was the false (and I do say its false) advertisement they put on their website claiming they will lease your house for a period of 6 years. First of all that is subject to 1 thing...how much you spend on the house you buy from them. Ahh ha. I knew there had to be a catch, I knew it and went down that path anyway, my own stupid.
So, in retrospect I can't say that I am mad at them, just myself. The truth is, I'm desperate. Thats not a word I think I've used a lot in my lifetime to describe myself because I tend to 1. look at the bright side 2. find the good in everything 3. try and make do and all that other good stuff.
This situation though, while its not do or die, it is maddening to say the least living in a house this tiny with this many kids. It really wasn't until I got into some of these bigger homes that I realized just how tiny this one is for our size family. My house doesn't feel small until all the kids are home all day and we are all in this one room with no where else to go.
So, this past week I revisited one house in particular that has been on my mind for weeks now. I actually had a dream about it if you can believe that! So as not to confuse anyone about my dreaming/prophetic abilities...my dreams are usually about total chaos and random happenings, not anything concrete so I was a little skeptical that I should rely on that factor for anything other than coincidence.
I'm glad that is what I did too, not only did I do that, but I had several friends look at the layout of this house, asked others how big their houses were and how many kids they had and one thing I found was, this house I was considering was definitely on the small side for our size family. 6 kids...might have worked, maybe, the problem was it was only a 4BR and one of the living spaces downstairs was going to have to be made a BR, which...ok that's fine if there are living spaces to spare, and in this house it was only 1 of 2. Granted there was a basement that had a living area down there too, but it wasn't huge by any means. It just felt too small. I asked my SIL if she would come with me and check it out and thankfully she was able too. The verdict from her was the same...the kitchen was UGH TDF! But the rest felt like a tight fit. She should know, she has 7 kids so I trusted that she would shoot me straight.
The Irony here, or the eye opener here is that just before this while we were in another house...I was told that there was an offer on this one. This in my eyes sealed the deal for not even going for it. I'm sad, but excited too because while I loved that house for many reasons, I also know that its not God's best for us so bye bye nice house, love ya but see ya! LOL and that's that. God spoke, Chris heard/obeyed.
The other 3 houses we looked at...the first was a J.O.K.E. It said 2400 sq ft, I think they were counting the yard, seriously. OUT.
The 2nd was really tastefully decorated and it would have worked, it was in a nice sub with trees out the backdoor, but it was priced high,...the basement was finished and was very choppy IMHO, I wasn't impressed..not OUT but not high on the list right now unless they want to drop the price $20K.
The third though...now we might have something. It is a true 5BR, which has been my biggest complaint in this whole ordeal, true 5BR's are super hard to come by. This one had that, and a ton of space to spare, but not over the top. The basement is unfinished, (cool) and HUGE, its fenced, it has a 3 car garage that's big enough to fit my van in (which is seriously weird because you never see garage doors that tall, I have to have a 7 foot clearance, these are 8ft.) So...we shall see :) It's a really nice house...Brian is looking up the comparables on the neighborhood for us to see how the price compares. It doesn't have the grand kitchen that the last one did, but what is there is slightly upgraded and good sized. HUGE eat in kitchen (which I love because formal DR's to me are a total waste)...it will need some paint, and def new carpet, but I don't think VA will have any issues with it since its only 7 yrs old.
Schools are the same schools my SIL has her kids in,and its only 1 mile from an awesome metro park (running/hiking/biking/swimming HEAVEN!!!).
So, that's all I know for now :)
All in all, not how I anticipated the day going, but I guess thats how faith works. I knew that God would speak today and He did loud and clear to me. I can't say for sure this new one is THE one, but maybe if nothing else its for him to show us that what we need IS out there we only need be patient?? possibly, we shall see.
I'll update later when we know if we are going to really consider this one and go through with an offer or not ;) thanks for the prayers friends, it means so much to know those who love us and care for us are pinging the throne of God on our behalf. May God bless each of you extra this week in your walks with Him.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
I'm a liar, and a glutton for punishment.
I know, I lied and said i would do the pics lol....but I seriously had no time yesterday or today. Hoping tomorrow lends some time...while i hate house hunting we are still kinda looking on top of packing stuff up to go when its time, etc. I dropped over $100 today at Target getting tubs to put the kids stuff in. I'm a crazy woman, my life, time and everything in between are not my own anyways, and right now, they are even worse.
Whose dumb idea was it to make 75 cupcakes tomorrow anyways? geesh!
Whose dumb idea was it to make 75 cupcakes tomorrow anyways? geesh!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
pic'sies coming!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got my pics from the photoshoot Lettie and I did with my friend recently last night, will be working on them later tonight....after I grocery shop, and eat dinner , and put kids in the bath, and then to bed, and after I put the grocery's away , oh and after I catch my breath *huuuhhhuuuhhhhuuhh*
lol.
lol.
An old friend,..... and 15 kids!
I admit...I used to think I'd never say I wasn't open to having another baby, but alas I arrived at that conclusion very recently and am very happy with our 8 :) (eight is enough 2K style baby!! lol ).
Anyway, here is a mama I used to know way back in the day (online) when I only had like 4 or 5 kiddos, her name is Christi, her and hubby are expecting #16, WOWZA! You go girl ;)
15 BLESSINGS!!!!!!
Just had to give a shout out to her and her blog, looks like they are house hunting too....cool!
Although, thinking about her 4 BR 1 BA makes me feel a bit selfish for wanting bigger for my clan haha!! I can't imagine twice the people in this house I currently reside, my hat goes off to her and her hubby...hope you find the perfect house ;)
Anyway, here is a mama I used to know way back in the day (online) when I only had like 4 or 5 kiddos, her name is Christi, her and hubby are expecting #16, WOWZA! You go girl ;)
15 BLESSINGS!!!!!!
Just had to give a shout out to her and her blog, looks like they are house hunting too....cool!
Although, thinking about her 4 BR 1 BA makes me feel a bit selfish for wanting bigger for my clan haha!! I can't imagine twice the people in this house I currently reside, my hat goes off to her and her hubby...hope you find the perfect house ;)
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Houses, cupcakes and a haircut.
The house hunt is....going, thats about all I can say for that one. I know, I'm not allowed to whine. I know, I know I know...it can take months to find *the* one. But seriously, when you have stepped foot into the house you want, and you realize you can't have it because of a stupid technicality, well it sets the standard for all other houses and the effort feels wasted and well,...wasted.
The obvious truth is, I don't have time right now. On the flip side, while I'd love to just quit, each day I'm reminded of how incredibly tiny this house is, and how I'd rather suffer through house after house and house listing than ever consider just making due here. I did that for as long as my brain was able to convince me otherwise, but now its time to move on. Anyways, today's reason for having my big girl panties in a wad would be the home builders I looked into today. Apparently they missed the *the economy sucks* memo that everyone else got, because their prices did not reflect that in the slightest. I was appauled at not only the starting prices of these homes (which A. were not THAT big, and B I think they were actually lying about square footage, seriously) but the add ins you had to do on them. Ex: Window sills. Yes thats right WINDOW SILLS. Thats not standard in these houses, its EXTRA...so if you don't add them in you get a dry wall finished frame around your window. Wow thats high quality. (for the starting price of $175K!)
Ok, stepping down off the house subject now, its seriously depressing me LOL.
What do the number 75 and cupcakes have in common?? Give up? Thats how many I get to bake for this weekend's birthday party lol, yeah. In an attempt to save money once again I got box cake mix and frosting on a huge sale last week and since I have a ton of cupcake papers (from my first time visiting Gordon foods...love that store!) I figured eh, why not. So that is what Saturday will be spent doing. I actually love to bake, I'll just have to really watch myself and not eat any, easier said than done (mmm just a lick please? :P LOL). I'm doing really good on diet/exercise, I have not been on a scale in over a week but I've gone down another 1/2 pant size because I got my new goal jeans on today yay!!!!!! I am not allowed on the scale again until mid feb, It was getting out of hand so I decided to do away with it...so far so good.
Hair cut! Yep..I did it and i loooove it!! My Ash hooked a sister UP like she always does. I got a sharp angeled bob, my hair is a dark auburn and I've got super dark brown low lights, i love it. I might have her stack it more in the back next time, its a little longer than I wanted in the back only, but it still looks great, and is so much easier than the long hair was. I will get a pic up, it needs to be shared ;) I posted one on FB, but it's from my phone and is too grainy.
I'm looking forward to the rest of this week, my mid kids are so excited about the party Sunday, and I'm putting some serious $ down on my back/shoulder tatt friday most likely. I can't wait to see Bri's mock up, if he gives me a copy I'll post that too, but the truth is, I suck at posting pics....trying to be better though and actually do it when I say i will lol.
Well, the 8 are in bed and I'm off to play some Wii boxing and then get to bed early, I'm meeting my good friend Steph at the gym tomorrow night. I usually workout alone so having a buddy should be fun. Oh and I'll also have the pics she look of Scarlett a few week back, can't wait to share :) Lettie is seriously the cutest thing EVER....seriously, she is, I'll prove it lol. bye now!! <3
The obvious truth is, I don't have time right now. On the flip side, while I'd love to just quit, each day I'm reminded of how incredibly tiny this house is, and how I'd rather suffer through house after house and house listing than ever consider just making due here. I did that for as long as my brain was able to convince me otherwise, but now its time to move on. Anyways, today's reason for having my big girl panties in a wad would be the home builders I looked into today. Apparently they missed the *the economy sucks* memo that everyone else got, because their prices did not reflect that in the slightest. I was appauled at not only the starting prices of these homes (which A. were not THAT big, and B I think they were actually lying about square footage, seriously) but the add ins you had to do on them. Ex: Window sills. Yes thats right WINDOW SILLS. Thats not standard in these houses, its EXTRA...so if you don't add them in you get a dry wall finished frame around your window. Wow thats high quality. (for the starting price of $175K!)
Ok, stepping down off the house subject now, its seriously depressing me LOL.
What do the number 75 and cupcakes have in common?? Give up? Thats how many I get to bake for this weekend's birthday party lol, yeah. In an attempt to save money once again I got box cake mix and frosting on a huge sale last week and since I have a ton of cupcake papers (from my first time visiting Gordon foods...love that store!) I figured eh, why not. So that is what Saturday will be spent doing. I actually love to bake, I'll just have to really watch myself and not eat any, easier said than done (mmm just a lick please? :P LOL). I'm doing really good on diet/exercise, I have not been on a scale in over a week but I've gone down another 1/2 pant size because I got my new goal jeans on today yay!!!!!! I am not allowed on the scale again until mid feb, It was getting out of hand so I decided to do away with it...so far so good.
Hair cut! Yep..I did it and i loooove it!! My Ash hooked a sister UP like she always does. I got a sharp angeled bob, my hair is a dark auburn and I've got super dark brown low lights, i love it. I might have her stack it more in the back next time, its a little longer than I wanted in the back only, but it still looks great, and is so much easier than the long hair was. I will get a pic up, it needs to be shared ;) I posted one on FB, but it's from my phone and is too grainy.
I'm looking forward to the rest of this week, my mid kids are so excited about the party Sunday, and I'm putting some serious $ down on my back/shoulder tatt friday most likely. I can't wait to see Bri's mock up, if he gives me a copy I'll post that too, but the truth is, I suck at posting pics....trying to be better though and actually do it when I say i will lol.
Well, the 8 are in bed and I'm off to play some Wii boxing and then get to bed early, I'm meeting my good friend Steph at the gym tomorrow night. I usually workout alone so having a buddy should be fun. Oh and I'll also have the pics she look of Scarlett a few week back, can't wait to share :) Lettie is seriously the cutest thing EVER....seriously, she is, I'll prove it lol. bye now!! <3
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Life is a highway.
The last day or so has seriously been a whirlwind to say the least. So much is going on right now, I fear I have little time to talk about any of it, but find that I must or my brain will explode and never let me sleep (and I really need a good night of sleep tonight!! )
For starters an update on Dyl. I put him back on the one med we were weaning him from and waalaa...a whole new kid. Still an Aspie but a loveable sweet boy who just has spunk ;)
Second...I have come to the conclusion that Cohen is allergic to shellfish. He had it for the second time ever in his life last night and he ended up throwing up for 2 hours straight last night, it was awful, hence my exhaustion tonight. No shrimp or crap or lobster for my little tiger :( so sad.
Third...I am about to make a drastic life change, wanna guess what it is , anyone???
Fourth....that house.
Omgosh, that house!! I'll tell you quickly how things are happening around here with no explanation outside of the big guy in the sky ;)
It was my dear friend Amy who suggested a few weeks back that we house hunt (her exact words were that she had heard me complain long enough about my tiny house, so just GET OVER IT and go find a new one LOL). I can't explain why it felt/seemed like a sign from God, all I can say is, it felt like a holy spirit tug for sure....so i went wit it. I have prayed since then and continue too pray that whatever God's will is, let it be done.
So, when we found that awesome huge house last week and I realized that that was exactly the kind of space *I* needed/wanted for my family, it hit home hard because the truth is even in this market, a house that size is priced a lot higher than what I personally want to drop on a house, regardless of if I can afford it or not. I am not a flashy person, I have no desire to own big huge expensive anything, thats just not me...but there is a battle in my brain going on over that versus what we NEED with 8 kids. EIGHT. I still have such a hard time wrapping my brain around that number. Anyways, in all actuality, with this many kids now, AND the even bigger issue will be in a few years when we have a 18,16, 14,13, 11 and 9 yr old in the house (and if Dyl is here a 20 yr old)...you can see why I am apprehensive to buy a 2000 sq ft house. To me right now 2000K plus a livable basement is double what we currently have, but I'm telling you it is small in comparison to this many kids in 6-7 years from now.
Anyway, back to my quick story LOL. Size versus price. I don't want an old house. BTDT ...have the jeans, t-shirt , socks, hat, coat and boots on that one. Don't get me wrong I love my older (read post civil war) home but there are things about it that just can never be that a newer home would be/have (like a use able basement for other than storage).
So, this house was actually found by my husband almost 3 months ago when we were casually *looking* at what fun big houses were going for cheap out there. He found it on a fluke one day while out running errands. I thought it looked cool but it was priced much higher then and it was a ranch. Nope...not interested said I, although I thought it looked cool, yeah, sure.
Since this all really got serious a few weeks ago this house popped up a couple of times, and he would mention it and I would shoot him down every time because there was no way it was even livable at that size/price, huh.
He finally got his way today, after he insisted this week that we just look at it. he said he was dying of curiosity to just see the inside, and that if he never got to see it it would bug him forever (ok FINE already! :P LOL!!)
I made jokes all day long about how 70's it was going to be (and in my defense so you don't think i am a total witch....it IS a total 70's doctor's pad LOL, no lie the pics only show a portion of it trust me!!)...as we pulled in the drive I gave a good *bow-chika-bow-bow* shout out just for added drama (your welcome dino!! ;) )
And then as we walked through this house...something odd started happening. First the space, you cannot deny the massiveness. The kitchen is rockstar huge, corion counter tops....*dies* there is a trash door, i told the realtor I was ready to sign just over that LOL (I was still in you've-got-to-be-kidding-me mode ...sort of at that moment). All I could see was this big huge house that needed some updates in quite a few areas, not everywhere just majority though but it was all in workable order. I was impressed, but not convinced. Until....we went into the basement. The basement is almost as big as the upstairs, maybe minus 200 sq feet, maybe. You can see from the pics it has a 2nd kitchen, a full bath, a huge closet, a HUGE storage area off the laundry room....
Oh wait, the laundry room.
So i'm standing there looking at where the washer and dryer hook ups are, hmmm ok. Um, wait whats THIS???
Ready for this?
2 sets of washer/dryer hook ups.
Yep.
Go ahead and pick your jaw up off the ground, because its true.
That right there was one of the biggest issues in the majority of the houses we looked at over the last few weeks. One of the things we were looking at doing with the current house addition was a laundry room that I could hook up for 2 sets because lets face it...mama does a LOT of laundry! (constantly...all day long, and while I sleep lol). This made me go, um, wha, huh? No, this can't be the house. No way. It needs a lot....but, does it?
The truth is, yes and no. Cosmetics it needs out the waazoo, we are talking new carpet in 4 of the rooms at least, but the flooring elsewhere is ok if not new for now. It needs paint, after I peel off the 8 million feet worth of wall paper (excuse me, but I loathe wall paper LOL, I am an artist, I paint, paint goes on walls not PAPER :P ). But, this house is huge and the price is too amazing to resist.
I talked with the R (thats short and its late for the Realtor lol) about the sitch and then went up to talk to Dean. I was overwhelmed at the thought and was like um, no way. I'll be doing most of the work myself, and while I'm ok with that I'm freaking out because thats a ton (see thats how my brain works, I have to fix every single inch of it RIGHT THEN lol...there is no rational thinking where that is concerned). We checked out every thing we could think of that the inspectors would have an issue with and from what we could see it is structurally sound.
So, then I was hit by something else that seriously made me consider my own sanity. I had to call my friend after the fact and ask if I was reading to much into all this...or not. I wasn't expecting to find a house this quick, for 1, and 2 not a house like this....but this last little tid bit rocked me off my pillar of rational stability to say the least.
JP was with us and he was thirsty and his drink was in the car but I was stalling because it was cold out there lol and I didn't want to leave just yet, I was still looking at every inch of this place and wanted a few more minutes. So I said to him *wanna go figure out which room would be yours?* and of course he was game.
There are 3 rooms that were possibles...I'll list them by color.
The brown room, which was the smallest.
The blue room which was bigger but not as big as
The green room which is the biggest. Since JP and Mr C and Nate are sharing a room, they have to have the biggest.
Originally when we first ventured down that hallway and I peeked in the rooms, I thought Sus and Cessa in the brown room, and Sadie and Lettie, or the boys in the blue....but on second glance I realized that the boys had to have the green for the size. Ok fine...then the blue would be Sadie and Lettie's except there is a doorwall in that room, and thats not a good idea with little kids, which meant by door default that one had to be Sus and Cecie's.
So I popped in there and thought, oh i should take a picture of this for Sus and text it to her.
And thats when I noticed the curtains in that room. The whole house has most of the curtains up, all customs made drapes because the windows are so large i am assuming. So, this window has vertical blinds and a valance....guess what was on that valance?
I'll give you one hint and if you know my kids well you'll know the significance.
This is Susie's room. What is the one thing (beside Elijah wood) that she is obssesed over more than anything else....?
give up?
WOLVES. And no I am not kidding...there are freaking WOLVES on the curtains in that room. I stood there trying to absorb it all, took the picture and sent it. Of course she loves it :) lol. My friend Amy says that is her room....and part of me is starting to think it very well could be.
I'm pretty overwhelmed right now, IF this is the one, I have so much stuff to do its pretty mind blowing. Thankfully my basement is 90% org'ed so we could do it quick if need be, but still, yikes.
We still have lots of obstacles to get over, inspections, their bank has this thing we have to get approved for (its long and dumb but its what they require)....and we have cleaning to do even if we do get it, along with carpet in at least a few of the rooms, and paint in a few that must be done prior to move in.
Who knows, maybe its not the one, but I couldn't help be think/feel that there were some serious signs that it was today. I don't always hear God when he speaks, sadly...but I'm trying really hard these days to make sure to pay extra special attention when I think he might be because the last thing i want to do is be out on his will, either in a house that's not meant to be ours, or missing out on a house that was meant to be ours.
With that said, good morning, good afternoon, and good night! This day has been long, I'm beat and tomorrow is a new day of seeing where this road leads.
For starters an update on Dyl. I put him back on the one med we were weaning him from and waalaa...a whole new kid. Still an Aspie but a loveable sweet boy who just has spunk ;)
Second...I have come to the conclusion that Cohen is allergic to shellfish. He had it for the second time ever in his life last night and he ended up throwing up for 2 hours straight last night, it was awful, hence my exhaustion tonight. No shrimp or crap or lobster for my little tiger :( so sad.
Third...I am about to make a drastic life change, wanna guess what it is , anyone???
Fourth....that house.
Omgosh, that house!! I'll tell you quickly how things are happening around here with no explanation outside of the big guy in the sky ;)
It was my dear friend Amy who suggested a few weeks back that we house hunt (her exact words were that she had heard me complain long enough about my tiny house, so just GET OVER IT and go find a new one LOL). I can't explain why it felt/seemed like a sign from God, all I can say is, it felt like a holy spirit tug for sure....so i went wit it. I have prayed since then and continue too pray that whatever God's will is, let it be done.
So, when we found that awesome huge house last week and I realized that that was exactly the kind of space *I* needed/wanted for my family, it hit home hard because the truth is even in this market, a house that size is priced a lot higher than what I personally want to drop on a house, regardless of if I can afford it or not. I am not a flashy person, I have no desire to own big huge expensive anything, thats just not me...but there is a battle in my brain going on over that versus what we NEED with 8 kids. EIGHT. I still have such a hard time wrapping my brain around that number. Anyways, in all actuality, with this many kids now, AND the even bigger issue will be in a few years when we have a 18,16, 14,13, 11 and 9 yr old in the house (and if Dyl is here a 20 yr old)...you can see why I am apprehensive to buy a 2000 sq ft house. To me right now 2000K plus a livable basement is double what we currently have, but I'm telling you it is small in comparison to this many kids in 6-7 years from now.
Anyway, back to my quick story LOL. Size versus price. I don't want an old house. BTDT ...have the jeans, t-shirt , socks, hat, coat and boots on that one. Don't get me wrong I love my older (read post civil war) home but there are things about it that just can never be that a newer home would be/have (like a use able basement for other than storage).
So, this house was actually found by my husband almost 3 months ago when we were casually *looking* at what fun big houses were going for cheap out there. He found it on a fluke one day while out running errands. I thought it looked cool but it was priced much higher then and it was a ranch. Nope...not interested said I, although I thought it looked cool, yeah, sure.
Since this all really got serious a few weeks ago this house popped up a couple of times, and he would mention it and I would shoot him down every time because there was no way it was even livable at that size/price, huh.
He finally got his way today, after he insisted this week that we just look at it. he said he was dying of curiosity to just see the inside, and that if he never got to see it it would bug him forever (ok FINE already! :P LOL!!)
I made jokes all day long about how 70's it was going to be (and in my defense so you don't think i am a total witch....it IS a total 70's doctor's pad LOL, no lie the pics only show a portion of it trust me!!)...as we pulled in the drive I gave a good *bow-chika-bow-bow* shout out just for added drama (your welcome dino!! ;) )
And then as we walked through this house...something odd started happening. First the space, you cannot deny the massiveness. The kitchen is rockstar huge, corion counter tops....*dies* there is a trash door, i told the realtor I was ready to sign just over that LOL (I was still in you've-got-to-be-kidding-me mode ...sort of at that moment). All I could see was this big huge house that needed some updates in quite a few areas, not everywhere just majority though but it was all in workable order. I was impressed, but not convinced. Until....we went into the basement. The basement is almost as big as the upstairs, maybe minus 200 sq feet, maybe. You can see from the pics it has a 2nd kitchen, a full bath, a huge closet, a HUGE storage area off the laundry room....
Oh wait, the laundry room.
So i'm standing there looking at where the washer and dryer hook ups are, hmmm ok. Um, wait whats THIS???
Ready for this?
2 sets of washer/dryer hook ups.
Yep.
Go ahead and pick your jaw up off the ground, because its true.
That right there was one of the biggest issues in the majority of the houses we looked at over the last few weeks. One of the things we were looking at doing with the current house addition was a laundry room that I could hook up for 2 sets because lets face it...mama does a LOT of laundry! (constantly...all day long, and while I sleep lol). This made me go, um, wha, huh? No, this can't be the house. No way. It needs a lot....but, does it?
The truth is, yes and no. Cosmetics it needs out the waazoo, we are talking new carpet in 4 of the rooms at least, but the flooring elsewhere is ok if not new for now. It needs paint, after I peel off the 8 million feet worth of wall paper (excuse me, but I loathe wall paper LOL, I am an artist, I paint, paint goes on walls not PAPER :P ). But, this house is huge and the price is too amazing to resist.
I talked with the R (thats short and its late for the Realtor lol) about the sitch and then went up to talk to Dean. I was overwhelmed at the thought and was like um, no way. I'll be doing most of the work myself, and while I'm ok with that I'm freaking out because thats a ton (see thats how my brain works, I have to fix every single inch of it RIGHT THEN lol...there is no rational thinking where that is concerned). We checked out every thing we could think of that the inspectors would have an issue with and from what we could see it is structurally sound.
So, then I was hit by something else that seriously made me consider my own sanity. I had to call my friend after the fact and ask if I was reading to much into all this...or not. I wasn't expecting to find a house this quick, for 1, and 2 not a house like this....but this last little tid bit rocked me off my pillar of rational stability to say the least.
JP was with us and he was thirsty and his drink was in the car but I was stalling because it was cold out there lol and I didn't want to leave just yet, I was still looking at every inch of this place and wanted a few more minutes. So I said to him *wanna go figure out which room would be yours?* and of course he was game.
There are 3 rooms that were possibles...I'll list them by color.
The brown room, which was the smallest.
The blue room which was bigger but not as big as
The green room which is the biggest. Since JP and Mr C and Nate are sharing a room, they have to have the biggest.
Originally when we first ventured down that hallway and I peeked in the rooms, I thought Sus and Cessa in the brown room, and Sadie and Lettie, or the boys in the blue....but on second glance I realized that the boys had to have the green for the size. Ok fine...then the blue would be Sadie and Lettie's except there is a doorwall in that room, and thats not a good idea with little kids, which meant by door default that one had to be Sus and Cecie's.
So I popped in there and thought, oh i should take a picture of this for Sus and text it to her.
And thats when I noticed the curtains in that room. The whole house has most of the curtains up, all customs made drapes because the windows are so large i am assuming. So, this window has vertical blinds and a valance....guess what was on that valance?
I'll give you one hint and if you know my kids well you'll know the significance.
This is Susie's room. What is the one thing (beside Elijah wood) that she is obssesed over more than anything else....?
give up?
WOLVES. And no I am not kidding...there are freaking WOLVES on the curtains in that room. I stood there trying to absorb it all, took the picture and sent it. Of course she loves it :) lol. My friend Amy says that is her room....and part of me is starting to think it very well could be.
I'm pretty overwhelmed right now, IF this is the one, I have so much stuff to do its pretty mind blowing. Thankfully my basement is 90% org'ed so we could do it quick if need be, but still, yikes.
We still have lots of obstacles to get over, inspections, their bank has this thing we have to get approved for (its long and dumb but its what they require)....and we have cleaning to do even if we do get it, along with carpet in at least a few of the rooms, and paint in a few that must be done prior to move in.
Who knows, maybe its not the one, but I couldn't help be think/feel that there were some serious signs that it was today. I don't always hear God when he speaks, sadly...but I'm trying really hard these days to make sure to pay extra special attention when I think he might be because the last thing i want to do is be out on his will, either in a house that's not meant to be ours, or missing out on a house that was meant to be ours.
With that said, good morning, good afternoon, and good night! This day has been long, I'm beat and tomorrow is a new day of seeing where this road leads.
Monday, January 11, 2010
The week that sucked.
Last week was one of *those* weeks.
Ya know...the kind where you realize that you really don't wanna grow up and face reality, but you have too because its staring you right in the face? yeah...one of those weeks.
It all began the weekend before when we went on our second round of house hunting, and grew in intensity on Monday morning when we got a phone call from the Realtor, one which began with the words *this is a really difficult and uncomfortable call for me to ave to make*
Ah...........stop right there. I got that feeling I had an idea what he was going to say, and I hoped, no prayed to God it wasn't what I thought it was. Sadly...I was right. Our son, age 11 who has Asperger's had lifted a very expensive item from one of the houses we had looked at. This sent my week into a tail spin of emotions of which I cannot even begin to describe here because I have my body blog to update tonight as well (3 blogs....limited time schedule, this one got first dibs lol).
I don't think that up until this point I have ever been faced with that much negative emotion on a parenting level. I usually am able to maintain myself and stay in the positive realm of things, but this without a doubt sent me over the edge , and it was really scary if you must know the truth.
Why you ask? Granted...he stole. Kids that age steal sometimes. True...and true. The problem here is, this is not the first, second third or fourth time...you get the picture. The thing of it is, he KNOWS it's wrong. He can sit there and tell you verbatim what we have drilled into his head over and over again about the subject and it doesn't matter. I would go into details, but it seriously would take me forever and honestly it needs to be on the autism blog...not here.
My problem now is, I'm frustrated, mad and hurt. Frustrated with him because he keeps doing it....mad at myself for trusting him again in a sitch like that, and hurt because of the way people keep trying to tell me he will grow out of this, and someday it will change. Granted...I'm not sitting here trying to be the pessimist. On the contrary, I'm being realistic in that I know my kid well enough to know that he cannot be trusted. The thing of it is, the things he takes are ridiculous. He doesn't always take high priced items, 9 times out of 10, its small petty crap. I have a friend whose brother suffers the same disorder, he is 6 yrs older than Dyl and he still gets patted down when they go places.
I guess what I am trying to say is, I have come to a realization. Dyl will grow and mature....but not like other kids. He will learn to cope in certain ways, but he is never going to fully be what other kids will grow to be, mostly my other kids. There is a good chance that he won't ever leave our house, and if he does i can tell you right now he will have a tough time holding down a job. I would go again into details but I can't (time lol)
So i say all this to put my last post into perspective. I wasn't ready last week to talk about it one more time. I had rehashed it to the proper people 3 times already that day and I couldn't handle one more thought about the entire incident.
To make matters worse...the item he took was expensive....VERY expensive and the people not only wanted it back, they wanted a brand new one back (to the tune of $150).
So....the rest of the week was spent choosing a few more houses to see and kind of re-eval'ing what we want in our new home, especially in light of last weeks incident . Because of the loan we are getting, we most likely will have to get a new(er) house. I found the PERFECT house for 8 kids, alas....it has these mega power towers not 300 yards off the back of the house (maybe more like 100 they seem very close! :( )
The layout of this house was so PERFECT...but I cannot in good conscience buy a house and take that risk with my kids lives, whether those towers pose a threat to ones body/health or not. That said, we have decided to see if we can find the builder and get that exact same house elsewhere. We really would like to change school districts but don't want to move too far because of the teenager's volunteer job in the summer. So the house hunt continues. We have 5 possible's this week, I'm not holding my breath LOL. I know what I want, and its none of the above. I will tell you this, I never in a million years realized how much room we really do need. I don't want to live in a house where people can hide its so big, but seriously, you would have to have a pretty huge house in order to do that with 10 people, kwim? I always figured that 2000 sq ft would suffice....um, the one I saw that was 2000 sq ft plus a basement felt like a tuna can (still). So in my mind anything under 2500 at this point is a waste of time.
In the meantime, I am using my spare time (HA) to get my future rental house in order. I am in the process of fixing the broken kitchen floor tiles. I am half way done but had to stop thanks to dentist appt's today and tomorrow morning so renovations will continue tomorrow afternoon. The kids have heard me say all day *don't step on mommy's squares!!* even Mr. C steps around them (he's a genius....what can I say? ;) lol) Dean texted me after he left for work today and said me fixing kitchen tiles was....and I quote *now that's HOT*
LOL!! is it any wonder I drool over that boy???!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhh.
With that said, I must go now. You know I need a shower and I def need the bed, this is one tired mama. ttfn...
Ya know...the kind where you realize that you really don't wanna grow up and face reality, but you have too because its staring you right in the face? yeah...one of those weeks.
It all began the weekend before when we went on our second round of house hunting, and grew in intensity on Monday morning when we got a phone call from the Realtor, one which began with the words *this is a really difficult and uncomfortable call for me to ave to make*
Ah...........stop right there. I got that feeling I had an idea what he was going to say, and I hoped, no prayed to God it wasn't what I thought it was. Sadly...I was right. Our son, age 11 who has Asperger's had lifted a very expensive item from one of the houses we had looked at. This sent my week into a tail spin of emotions of which I cannot even begin to describe here because I have my body blog to update tonight as well (3 blogs....limited time schedule, this one got first dibs lol).
I don't think that up until this point I have ever been faced with that much negative emotion on a parenting level. I usually am able to maintain myself and stay in the positive realm of things, but this without a doubt sent me over the edge , and it was really scary if you must know the truth.
Why you ask? Granted...he stole. Kids that age steal sometimes. True...and true. The problem here is, this is not the first, second third or fourth time...you get the picture. The thing of it is, he KNOWS it's wrong. He can sit there and tell you verbatim what we have drilled into his head over and over again about the subject and it doesn't matter. I would go into details, but it seriously would take me forever and honestly it needs to be on the autism blog...not here.
My problem now is, I'm frustrated, mad and hurt. Frustrated with him because he keeps doing it....mad at myself for trusting him again in a sitch like that, and hurt because of the way people keep trying to tell me he will grow out of this, and someday it will change. Granted...I'm not sitting here trying to be the pessimist. On the contrary, I'm being realistic in that I know my kid well enough to know that he cannot be trusted. The thing of it is, the things he takes are ridiculous. He doesn't always take high priced items, 9 times out of 10, its small petty crap. I have a friend whose brother suffers the same disorder, he is 6 yrs older than Dyl and he still gets patted down when they go places.
I guess what I am trying to say is, I have come to a realization. Dyl will grow and mature....but not like other kids. He will learn to cope in certain ways, but he is never going to fully be what other kids will grow to be, mostly my other kids. There is a good chance that he won't ever leave our house, and if he does i can tell you right now he will have a tough time holding down a job. I would go again into details but I can't (time lol)
So i say all this to put my last post into perspective. I wasn't ready last week to talk about it one more time. I had rehashed it to the proper people 3 times already that day and I couldn't handle one more thought about the entire incident.
To make matters worse...the item he took was expensive....VERY expensive and the people not only wanted it back, they wanted a brand new one back (to the tune of $150).
So....the rest of the week was spent choosing a few more houses to see and kind of re-eval'ing what we want in our new home, especially in light of last weeks incident . Because of the loan we are getting, we most likely will have to get a new(er) house. I found the PERFECT house for 8 kids, alas....it has these mega power towers not 300 yards off the back of the house (maybe more like 100 they seem very close! :( )
The layout of this house was so PERFECT...but I cannot in good conscience buy a house and take that risk with my kids lives, whether those towers pose a threat to ones body/health or not. That said, we have decided to see if we can find the builder and get that exact same house elsewhere. We really would like to change school districts but don't want to move too far because of the teenager's volunteer job in the summer. So the house hunt continues. We have 5 possible's this week, I'm not holding my breath LOL. I know what I want, and its none of the above. I will tell you this, I never in a million years realized how much room we really do need. I don't want to live in a house where people can hide its so big, but seriously, you would have to have a pretty huge house in order to do that with 10 people, kwim? I always figured that 2000 sq ft would suffice....um, the one I saw that was 2000 sq ft plus a basement felt like a tuna can (still). So in my mind anything under 2500 at this point is a waste of time.
In the meantime, I am using my spare time (HA) to get my future rental house in order. I am in the process of fixing the broken kitchen floor tiles. I am half way done but had to stop thanks to dentist appt's today and tomorrow morning so renovations will continue tomorrow afternoon. The kids have heard me say all day *don't step on mommy's squares!!* even Mr. C steps around them (he's a genius....what can I say? ;) lol) Dean texted me after he left for work today and said me fixing kitchen tiles was....and I quote *now that's HOT*
LOL!! is it any wonder I drool over that boy???!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhh.
With that said, I must go now. You know I need a shower and I def need the bed, this is one tired mama. ttfn...
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
*coming out from her dark place*
this entry needs no title, just an explanation.
I was once again reminded this week of my imperfectness as a parent *sigh*.
One of the greatest challenges in my life is my child that has Asperger's. I would go into details, but I honestly cannot relive another moment of the last 3 days other than to say I am alive, and so is he (HA...) and we are working once more towards figuring out how to parent him.
I tend to be a pretty optimistic person, but this morning I was definitely fighting the urge to toss in the towel and say I quit. Thank God for my supportive husband, not only is he a loving Daddy, but a huge backbone for me in times like this. I really should post on Dyl's blog more, I plan too, time has just been so limited in the last few weeks with Christmas, and now to add even more onto my already crazy sched...we are hunting for house #2. I've had enough, i can't take the (nice sized)small house (with 8 kids) any longer. STOP THE MADNESS LOL!!!
Anyways, i'll be back later this week or by the weekend, I need a good profile pic for 1 and for 2, I need to blab when I am in my happy place again, ...I'm close, I can see the light, but I think a good nights rest will help seal the deal ;)
And as always, God has been so good and faithful to me through every step of this week. He has laid some things on my heart, I'm really trying hard to listen right now because I think he is calling me to do something I've been praying about a really really (REALLY) long time. i might touch on it later, but for now I have a phone call to make and a shower to take (why do I always sweaty blog? :P LOL!!)
lata!
I was once again reminded this week of my imperfectness as a parent *sigh*.
One of the greatest challenges in my life is my child that has Asperger's. I would go into details, but I honestly cannot relive another moment of the last 3 days other than to say I am alive, and so is he (HA...) and we are working once more towards figuring out how to parent him.
I tend to be a pretty optimistic person, but this morning I was definitely fighting the urge to toss in the towel and say I quit. Thank God for my supportive husband, not only is he a loving Daddy, but a huge backbone for me in times like this. I really should post on Dyl's blog more, I plan too, time has just been so limited in the last few weeks with Christmas, and now to add even more onto my already crazy sched...we are hunting for house #2. I've had enough, i can't take the (nice sized)small house (with 8 kids) any longer. STOP THE MADNESS LOL!!!
Anyways, i'll be back later this week or by the weekend, I need a good profile pic for 1 and for 2, I need to blab when I am in my happy place again, ...I'm close, I can see the light, but I think a good nights rest will help seal the deal ;)
And as always, God has been so good and faithful to me through every step of this week. He has laid some things on my heart, I'm really trying hard to listen right now because I think he is calling me to do something I've been praying about a really really (REALLY) long time. i might touch on it later, but for now I have a phone call to make and a shower to take (why do I always sweaty blog? :P LOL!!)
lata!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
It's all about me.
That's right....this post IS going to be all about me ;) (I don't get a lot of that these days trust me!!).
I am assuming that since I posted the link to this on my facebook that I'll have visitors over here who either don't know me real well, or haven't known me in awhile. Because of that i figured it might be good to start this whole thing off by posting a little bit about myself, not only to share who i am, but that so there won't be any surprises later on ;)
The idea behind the name of this blog is a long story of which I will now share a shortened version. I have spent a good portion of my life hiding bits and piece of myself from others. I'm not sure why I did (do) this, other than it is a protection mechanism I learned from an early age. While I don't generally struggle with self esteem , I do have a hard time saying how I truly feel with other people. Probably one of the greatest fears I have on an on going basis, is the fear of rejection. I could sit here and psycho analyze myself over why,...and i think I know why, but at this point its irrelevant. What matters is, how I am working to overcome that.
The last couple of years of my life, 2009 in particular was a year of reconciling with myself for always hiding who i truly am. I fear that when I have done that in the past, it has appeared to others that I wasn't telling the truth (and maybe that really was the case) when in fact i was simply having trouble sharing the truth, does that make sense?
I've done a lot of soul searching since the conception of my 8th and final child. I have spent more time just listening to God than I think I ever have in years past since my walk with Him began and what I've realized is, I don't have to hide who I am. If people don't like me, oh freaking well. What I need to do, it stop worrying about what others think of my choices, and start focusing on not only being myself, but embracing that self as well. Not to sound heady, but I *like* me....so it only makes sense to let who i am shine through, not only so others can see but also to glorify God. He made me the way I am for a purpose. My life and who i am is not a mistake. What matters is what I do with what I've been given. I no longer fear my past and the power it once held over me, and i no longer doubt that I am where God wants me to be. If my daily prayer is not my will but His be done, I also have to embrace the trust that He will help me to stay on the path he has created for me as well. Fear is the absence of love, and God is perfect love...so where there is fear, God is not. If I fear rejection of others, then I do not have God love in my life, nor do I have it to share with others in a way that is genuine.
The last 2 years I have spent analyzing were my life has led me. My biggest obstacle was becoming a mommy for the 8th time. I truly believe that I am where God wants me....even in my toughest days, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am in His hands and He is leading me.
So...that leads me to say, who is this person God has created me to be? As of right now, this is who I am, the things I like, dislike...and so on and so forth.
I am incredibly pro-woman. I love being a woman and fully embrace it daily. I love being a mommy, however I have days where I don't like it so much and even some days when I want to run away (but just for a little while lol). I love being married, LOVE it. I love it that I have one person on this earth that I feel I can trust with all my inner thoughts. My husband is my best friend. He makes me laugh harder than anyone else I know, and in our life that is one of the most important things you can ask for. I loved having 8 babies with him, and if I had to choose to do it over (as much as I never want to be pg again...EVER lol) I'd do it in a heartbeat. Speaking of pregnancy, I think it is one of the greatest passages of woman-hood. However, as much as I once loved it (and even considered becoming a midwife at one point) I hope and pray to God almost daily still that I never ever ever ever times 1 million ever become pg ever again. LOL I have finally moved on from that stage of my life and have zero regrets. I also feel/believe that if you want more children and you plan to care for them, have as many as you can. You will never regret having had one more, but someday you might regret not having had that last one you wished for.
Let's see....
I am almost 35. I feel like I'm still 18, but the mirror reminds me otherwise. Aging is not something I look forward too. I love tattoo's. I have 3 of them (for now lol). One of my new years resolutions is to get my back/shoulder tatt finished...its in the works, I am working with the artist that did my last one and I can't wait to get it done. I love all kinds of music, but really will only listen to things that have good/positive lyrics. Songs with lots of s*x or trash talking in them seriously make me gag (Katy perry is pretty much off my list, and FTR she has ZERO talent). Speaking of, I've been known to hum a few bars in my day. My kids think I should have tried out for American idol LOL, but even if I could have, I don't think that lifestyle would have suited me. I don't like answering to people and I don't like being told what to do, so...there you have it. My other New year resolutions are 1. take guitar lessons 2. finish losing the weight from having babies (i'm down 35 and have about 30 to go!!) 3. the tatt 4. get my kids on a chore chart and make it stick (this will be the toughest one seriously).
I love food....I love to cook, bake and grill. I'm not as daring as some in the tasting department (a friend of mine is, she knows who she is ;) lol) but I rarely have anything I don't like. I eat meat but on a very limited basis...I usually eat fish and veggies, but will have chicken on occasion and beef maybe once a month, maybe. I call myself a some-uh-tarian LOL. Some people like to say they are veggie and yet they eat chicken....um, that's not vegetarian!! My favorite foods are spicy foods, love peach salsa, seafood of any kind, fresh veggies, and I eat a mostly clean diet. My weakness is cake. It used to be ice cream but I do not consume cow's milk , nor ice cream anymore, it does not agree with me.
My faith is very important to me. I was raised in church, but knew nothing about God until the age of 22 when I became a born again Christian. Since then I have been every Christian denom except for J witness, Mormon or Lutheran. I was Catholic for 5 years, and I still am to a degree. I attend a non denom church right now, I love it, but I still love holy mass and feel that it serves a purpose in my life too. Because of that I am a true believer in the saints. I feel that some protestant faiths could learn a thing or two from the study of them as well. I'd get into why I'm not solely Catholic right now, but the truth is, thats a long hour long post of which I do not have time for because it is 11:30 already and I still need a post workout shower (be glad your reading this and not sitting next to me hearing it in person ROFL) before bed so it'll have to be another day I guess.
I'm a good speller but I type fast and have typos because of it,....and if you don't like it then go read someone else's blog LOL.
I'm outspoken and generally don't take any one's crap...but I'm also one of the most caring compassionate people you will meet. I tend to look past outward behaviors and try to understand others from a behavioral perspective. I do not judge people and their choices, however I do believe in doing whats right (always) and having the right motivations and intentions. I don't believe life is purely black and white on most things, but i also don't like people who make bad choices and blame it on others.
I love people. I am a people person, a people watcher and I tend to be able to read people pretty well by only speaking a few sentences to them (or sometimes without saying a word). I love little people, mainly kids...they make me laugh and I see the purity in their innocence and their simple out look on life. I love watching toddlers have fits (its actually quite entertaining to watch a toddler throw himself on the floor in order to get his way, it makes me wish I could get my way in that manner as well haha!!) and wish at times I could hold all the lonely sad babies in the world that didn't have anyone to love them. If I could have one wish once my children were grown, it would be to do what Mother Teresa did and travel the globe ministering to children who had no families or love (orphans) and just sitting with them and holding them or showing them the love they deserve as human beings and as God's children.
I love adoption, although I've never adopted a child myself. I've always wanted too and prayed about it but have never had the chance. I am very very very prolife....and I am even more outspoken about it, however compassionate to the woman in a crisis pg. I believe that every woman deserves to be cared for when she is pg, and I think the bra burning fem nazi's have tried really hard to convince the women of our country and having abortions (or the ability to have them) makes us equals with men. Thats a lie from the depths of hell. I refuse (personally) to deny who I am in order to conform to society's idea of being equal to men...last time I checked being woman and bearing children was a pretty cool thing, crisis or not. I believe that the pro-abortion movement pits the mother against her unborn child...and I know for a fact that this has effected our society and they way not only women, but children especially are viewed/treated. I once worked for a prolife org called Silent No More, its a good organization that helps women who are post abortive find hope and healing. I have only been to the DC march for life ONCE, but i WILL go back one of these years *sigh* soon.
And with that said, my back hurts from sitting here. I have a 6am wake up call, its back to school in the am!! Have a good night...
I am assuming that since I posted the link to this on my facebook that I'll have visitors over here who either don't know me real well, or haven't known me in awhile. Because of that i figured it might be good to start this whole thing off by posting a little bit about myself, not only to share who i am, but that so there won't be any surprises later on ;)
The idea behind the name of this blog is a long story of which I will now share a shortened version. I have spent a good portion of my life hiding bits and piece of myself from others. I'm not sure why I did (do) this, other than it is a protection mechanism I learned from an early age. While I don't generally struggle with self esteem , I do have a hard time saying how I truly feel with other people. Probably one of the greatest fears I have on an on going basis, is the fear of rejection. I could sit here and psycho analyze myself over why,...and i think I know why, but at this point its irrelevant. What matters is, how I am working to overcome that.
The last couple of years of my life, 2009 in particular was a year of reconciling with myself for always hiding who i truly am. I fear that when I have done that in the past, it has appeared to others that I wasn't telling the truth (and maybe that really was the case) when in fact i was simply having trouble sharing the truth, does that make sense?
I've done a lot of soul searching since the conception of my 8th and final child. I have spent more time just listening to God than I think I ever have in years past since my walk with Him began and what I've realized is, I don't have to hide who I am. If people don't like me, oh freaking well. What I need to do, it stop worrying about what others think of my choices, and start focusing on not only being myself, but embracing that self as well. Not to sound heady, but I *like* me....so it only makes sense to let who i am shine through, not only so others can see but also to glorify God. He made me the way I am for a purpose. My life and who i am is not a mistake. What matters is what I do with what I've been given. I no longer fear my past and the power it once held over me, and i no longer doubt that I am where God wants me to be. If my daily prayer is not my will but His be done, I also have to embrace the trust that He will help me to stay on the path he has created for me as well. Fear is the absence of love, and God is perfect love...so where there is fear, God is not. If I fear rejection of others, then I do not have God love in my life, nor do I have it to share with others in a way that is genuine.
The last 2 years I have spent analyzing were my life has led me. My biggest obstacle was becoming a mommy for the 8th time. I truly believe that I am where God wants me....even in my toughest days, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am in His hands and He is leading me.
So...that leads me to say, who is this person God has created me to be? As of right now, this is who I am, the things I like, dislike...and so on and so forth.
I am incredibly pro-woman. I love being a woman and fully embrace it daily. I love being a mommy, however I have days where I don't like it so much and even some days when I want to run away (but just for a little while lol). I love being married, LOVE it. I love it that I have one person on this earth that I feel I can trust with all my inner thoughts. My husband is my best friend. He makes me laugh harder than anyone else I know, and in our life that is one of the most important things you can ask for. I loved having 8 babies with him, and if I had to choose to do it over (as much as I never want to be pg again...EVER lol) I'd do it in a heartbeat. Speaking of pregnancy, I think it is one of the greatest passages of woman-hood. However, as much as I once loved it (and even considered becoming a midwife at one point) I hope and pray to God almost daily still that I never ever ever ever times 1 million ever become pg ever again. LOL I have finally moved on from that stage of my life and have zero regrets. I also feel/believe that if you want more children and you plan to care for them, have as many as you can. You will never regret having had one more, but someday you might regret not having had that last one you wished for.
Let's see....
I am almost 35. I feel like I'm still 18, but the mirror reminds me otherwise. Aging is not something I look forward too. I love tattoo's. I have 3 of them (for now lol). One of my new years resolutions is to get my back/shoulder tatt finished...its in the works, I am working with the artist that did my last one and I can't wait to get it done. I love all kinds of music, but really will only listen to things that have good/positive lyrics. Songs with lots of s*x or trash talking in them seriously make me gag (Katy perry is pretty much off my list, and FTR she has ZERO talent). Speaking of, I've been known to hum a few bars in my day. My kids think I should have tried out for American idol LOL, but even if I could have, I don't think that lifestyle would have suited me. I don't like answering to people and I don't like being told what to do, so...there you have it. My other New year resolutions are 1. take guitar lessons 2. finish losing the weight from having babies (i'm down 35 and have about 30 to go!!) 3. the tatt 4. get my kids on a chore chart and make it stick (this will be the toughest one seriously).
I love food....I love to cook, bake and grill. I'm not as daring as some in the tasting department (a friend of mine is, she knows who she is ;) lol) but I rarely have anything I don't like. I eat meat but on a very limited basis...I usually eat fish and veggies, but will have chicken on occasion and beef maybe once a month, maybe. I call myself a some-uh-tarian LOL. Some people like to say they are veggie and yet they eat chicken....um, that's not vegetarian!! My favorite foods are spicy foods, love peach salsa, seafood of any kind, fresh veggies, and I eat a mostly clean diet. My weakness is cake. It used to be ice cream but I do not consume cow's milk , nor ice cream anymore, it does not agree with me.
My faith is very important to me. I was raised in church, but knew nothing about God until the age of 22 when I became a born again Christian. Since then I have been every Christian denom except for J witness, Mormon or Lutheran. I was Catholic for 5 years, and I still am to a degree. I attend a non denom church right now, I love it, but I still love holy mass and feel that it serves a purpose in my life too. Because of that I am a true believer in the saints. I feel that some protestant faiths could learn a thing or two from the study of them as well. I'd get into why I'm not solely Catholic right now, but the truth is, thats a long hour long post of which I do not have time for because it is 11:30 already and I still need a post workout shower (be glad your reading this and not sitting next to me hearing it in person ROFL) before bed so it'll have to be another day I guess.
I'm a good speller but I type fast and have typos because of it,....and if you don't like it then go read someone else's blog LOL.
I'm outspoken and generally don't take any one's crap...but I'm also one of the most caring compassionate people you will meet. I tend to look past outward behaviors and try to understand others from a behavioral perspective. I do not judge people and their choices, however I do believe in doing whats right (always) and having the right motivations and intentions. I don't believe life is purely black and white on most things, but i also don't like people who make bad choices and blame it on others.
I love people. I am a people person, a people watcher and I tend to be able to read people pretty well by only speaking a few sentences to them (or sometimes without saying a word). I love little people, mainly kids...they make me laugh and I see the purity in their innocence and their simple out look on life. I love watching toddlers have fits (its actually quite entertaining to watch a toddler throw himself on the floor in order to get his way, it makes me wish I could get my way in that manner as well haha!!) and wish at times I could hold all the lonely sad babies in the world that didn't have anyone to love them. If I could have one wish once my children were grown, it would be to do what Mother Teresa did and travel the globe ministering to children who had no families or love (orphans) and just sitting with them and holding them or showing them the love they deserve as human beings and as God's children.
I love adoption, although I've never adopted a child myself. I've always wanted too and prayed about it but have never had the chance. I am very very very prolife....and I am even more outspoken about it, however compassionate to the woman in a crisis pg. I believe that every woman deserves to be cared for when she is pg, and I think the bra burning fem nazi's have tried really hard to convince the women of our country and having abortions (or the ability to have them) makes us equals with men. Thats a lie from the depths of hell. I refuse (personally) to deny who I am in order to conform to society's idea of being equal to men...last time I checked being woman and bearing children was a pretty cool thing, crisis or not. I believe that the pro-abortion movement pits the mother against her unborn child...and I know for a fact that this has effected our society and they way not only women, but children especially are viewed/treated. I once worked for a prolife org called Silent No More, its a good organization that helps women who are post abortive find hope and healing. I have only been to the DC march for life ONCE, but i WILL go back one of these years *sigh* soon.
And with that said, my back hurts from sitting here. I have a 6am wake up call, its back to school in the am!! Have a good night...
My 3rd one turned a decade...
Happy birthday to my boo-boo bear. He was born at 4:30 in the afternoon, with a bunch of peach fuzz on his head. The doctor nearly missed it, he was my first epidural baby, ...he is quiet (most of the time lol) quirky, very smart, incredibly sweet, he loves to draw and play baseball. His favorite movies are polar express, zathura, jumanji and monster house. He looks good in green, and hates spinach. He does the best impersonations of sponge bob, and I really think someday he could be a commedian. His new favorite thing is to call me woman............he's lucky he's cute lol. I can't believe 10 years has come and gone already, Happy birthday Nate, mom loves you!!!
quote for the day...Sunday jan 3rd, 2010
"Storm the gates of hell with a squirt gun" ~ Pastor Adam Davis, Elevate church
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