~

So much left unsaid. A lifetime of memory fades My heart left wrenched for thought Something lost but not missed Dreams that haunt The depths of my soul Time taken my spirit branded Never again the same The doubt The fear of myself Who am I to be trusted And when is wisdom true and safe again like i once knew Longing for solitude and a place of peace Facing confusion Facing my fears.

It has been far too long...

...since I have updated here. My life is busy. I could sit here and type it all out but there is not enough time and I have to go to bed in a few minutes. What I can say is this...life has taken some very unexpected changes in the last year. I didn't blog about it because it was incredibly personal & challenging at the same time.

However I'm on the brighter side of a huge life transition now, that being a divorce. An ugly word at the very least but in this case something that was necessary for all parties involved. My kids are doing good, as good as can be expected, but are very happy and when they do bring up the difficulties in changes we talk as much as we need too.

When it all ended last year, I took up guitar lessons, and decided to become a certified personal trainer. As of this week I have started my first job.

The biggest news is I have met someone very special to me. I guess you could say the desires of my heart have been fulfilled with an amazing man who not only is good to me and my kids, but tells me i'm beautiful every single day. I am cherished,...I cannot begin to tell you what an amazing feeling that is. He is incredibly funny, outgoing & a leader for our family. I say our family because we are getting married this year...I am so happy!!! :)

Thats all for now, I'll try and update sometime in the near future, maybe some pics, and maybe some more details when time allows <3

Joy Williams - I'm In Love With You

The Civil Wars "Forget me not"

I love Joy Williams and ive recently fallen in love with TCW's...one of my favorite songs by them...

summertime update.

Summer is insane! I dont think I could fit anymore into my schedule as I find myself simply wanting to relax and enjoy my kids being home. That said...I will not miss the mess they leave come fall.

School is going well, finding time to study has its challenges however with the kids being home but thankfully i squeeze in a little here and there.

I leave for TX in August for sucess school for Advocare, i'm really excited as the last SS was full of info and I recall how fired up i was on the business end once I returned. I have an Advocare events im attending tonight, and I'm doing a health fair in early August through my local gym, looking forward to sharing the op with others and helping people attain their health/fitness goals.

In other news i have approximately 24 days left to train for the warrior dash...for those of you that aren't aware of what that is its a 5K run with obstacle courses thrown in. I signed up about a month ago and not thinking clearly choose a 4pm time slot, soooo needless to say I've started running the dead heat of the afternoon to get my body accustomed to heat/humidity of July. So far so good. I'm still weight training 2 days a week as well and i'm so thankful for the Advocare products I take as they seriously up my game. My goal is to not only finish but not finish LAST lol. I'd like a personal time best, however its going to be hard to gauge because of the obstacle courses. O well. I'm esssited ;)

The kids and I have only been to the beach twice this year, this is not ok with me lol, hoping to get there a few more times the next few weeks. The good thing is they swim/play I study. I'm really anxious to get this schooling done as I miss reading Poe and I've yet to read the newest (or even purchase!) Charlaine Harris Sookie Stackhouse novel. I've promised myself I will not buy it until I'm done. (discipline lol)

I wont be updating much here training wise, if you want too read up on that go here:

http://bodyspace.bodybuilding.com/babymama7/



and with that said I'll leave w a quote I fell in love with this morning...

"We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves."
~Lynn Hall

How to cut thru steel.

Journey to a thousand ends
a vision made so clear
what once I knew now how it ends
now sure of where I walk

the hallowness inside the shell
these walls were made of steel
somehow a torch has taken too
the breaking of the seal

this flame that burns it came to me
an unexpected gift
my heart not sure of it at first
but now I see the warmth

my mind it beckons me to wake
it cautions me in thought
to open that which never has
and give what time has lost

i've longed for this a thousand years
if years were kept in beats
to speak that which my heart sings now
is more than words can bring

i can't go back, not turn away
from that which i've been called
this torch it burns and lights a way
and cracks the steel for love


~CAS

Learning to learn again.

Wow, my brain hurts lol

I've finished nearly 2 units thus far, the first was PAINFUL to put it mildly. Part of it was the way they suggested learning the material does not work for me, so between that and a bunch of terms i am completely unfamiliar with, it took me a whole lot longer than I had anticipated.

Nevertheless, I now feel i understand my way of doing it and the second unit has been much quicker (plus im more familiar with a lot of the terms, mainly stuff i learned in biology/anatomy in HS).

Im hoping to be done before Success school in mid August.